Why women have children

Me, "I really need a haircut."

Jeff, "You know who has a really great haircut?"

Hmmm, I'm guessing it's not me, your adorable, loving, amazing wife?

Jeff, "It's that girl on that new show. What's it called?"

He said more, I just quit listening after 'that girl.'


POST HAIRCUT

Zoe says, "Mommy, you're boo-tiful. Hair just like Punzel!"

I'm guessing she means the Rapunzel of Tangled fame, and after she got her hair hacked off by a shard of glass. I'm not sure if that's a compliment to my stylist or not, but I'm taking it as a compliment.

Score one for Zoe and zero for Jeff. And another explanation as to why women keep having children despite the constant noise and mess- they know how to give a compliment.

Just a pic :)

Another Halloween Pic

And quite possibly one of my favorites :)

Dear Robert and Zoe

I want you to know that I love you.

Because, when I yelled and sent you both to your rooms today, it may not have looked like I did.

You see, of all the reasons I thought I might need to have my carpets cleaned... well, you two really threw me for a loop. First, my carpets don't need cleaned, so I can't even justify it by saying, "Hey, no big deal. It needed cleaned anway!"

But that smell. Oh, that smell. I could smell it in the office. From the back corner of my bedroom. And you KNOW that it's not a toy! Now, my bedroom smells like a horrible Febreeze experiment, because an entire can of air freshener was emptied on my carpet and my walls.

I do love you though. And I'm going to try muster up some of that love because I can hear you crying and screaming at the top of your lungs in your rooms.

xoxox
Your adoring mother.

A picture that needs no caption

Halloween pics

My dear Zoe...

Here is the exact note from your teachers at school-

"Zoe had a good day today. However, she tries to eat the crayons druing coloring time. We will work with her on this :)"

Zoe, why are you EATING crayons?! Do I not feed you enough wax?!

Her teacher then tells me, "And she does this thing with the crayon like this (teacher demonstrates pointillism 2 yr old style) that is driving us batty. She is a bit of a leader, all the kids start to follow her. So we have a whole class of crayon banging 2 yr olds."

The poor child's version of Angry Birds

Since my poor child does not have his own smart phone, he takes matters into his own hands and crafts a special version of the Angry Birds game.

Robert and the birthday party

After receiving a birthday party invitation from a girl in his class, conversation as follows-

Robert: "Is that a birthday in-vee-tation?"

Me: "Yes, for K's birthday. Do you know K?"

"No, I don't know her."

"K? In your class?"

"No. Can we go to the party?! Please please please?!"

"But you don't even know who she is!"

(Robert now reads the invitation out loud while he is riding in the car.)

"Dear Robert, Please come to my birthday party. It will be fun. I love you."

Me: Silence

Robert: "She must have invited me because she loves me mommy."


Yes, my dear son, I'm sure that's it. Even though you have no idea who this girl is, I'm sure she loves you and that's why she invited you. Boy, high school is going to be fun with this one!

A proud day

First, my dear Robert.

Day after day, the extremely patient ladies manning the childwatch at the YMCA report to me that Robert is building guns. Since the Y is a no weapons place, even fake guns made of building blocks built by 4 yr old boys are not allowed.

Robert stopped building guns, but started building things called "Scorpion Throwers" and "Shirkers" and other things that resemble guns and make Pew-Pew noises.

So we had the talk. The one where I tell him not to build anything that looks like a gun, smells like a gun, acts like a gun or is weapon of any kind. INCLUDING things that make pew-pew noises but have odd sounding names (I'm on to this child.)

Next time I pick him up, I ask,  "Robert, did you make a gun?'

"No mommy."

"Did it make pew-pew noises?" (Because the ladies at the Y say he is still making guns.)

"No. It went Psha-Psha."

Uh-huh. And we have 'the talk' AGAIN.

Today, Robert says he wants to go to the Y to build something. Okay my dear Robert, what are you going to build? His response?

"It will have Drinking Technology. And taste like pineapple. AND have big MEGA vitamins that makes people go to the hospital and come back super heroes."

Hmmm. Clearly this is more like a vaccine and less like a weapon, right? I can only hope the ladies did not notice. And my plan might have worked, if Robert had not come running up to me with ANOTHER child who was also carrying a.... scorpion catcher. Great. He's assembling a mutiny.


And my lovely Zoe.


The girl managed to throw up into the toilet for the first time. I would be proud, since this significantly cuts down my laundry duties, except I think she may be avoiding bedtime. Hard to argue with throw up though.

My new suggestion for airlines

Dear Airlines,


I have a promotions idea for you.

You see, I'm now a mom. And try as I might to prepare for a trip, it always seems that I end up harried and running through the airport with a lot less sleep than I prefer. We've traveled enough that you would think I would have it down, but someone (usually of short stature) always throws a wrench (or toy truck) in my plans.

And since most of the flights we are on have the 3-3 seat configuration (you know, 3 seats on each side) I always end up sitting between two very excited kids. I think my kids are adorable, but I'm not sure the rest of the plane does. I do my best to continually bribe them with apple juice and Cheetos, but the whole adventure is exhausting to me.

Then I look over to my dear husband, who has usually had a full night of un-interrupted sleep, as he sits calmly across the aisle (technically he is sitting with us, but really, that aisle can seem like a mile at times) and I think crazy things.

This time, my dream was first class. Upgrade me not the random guy from 27F! Let my well-rested husband help kids with headphones and bubble gum for 2 hours! I realize this is a far-fetched dream, for all the upgrades are reserved for Elite Premium whatever status people. But that fantasy is just enough for me to tune out the siblings fighting over Angry Birds.

I would think I was totally crazy for thinking this at all, but as I'm begging a certain two-yr old to WALK PLEASE, do not sit on the people mover, an airline attendant walks by us. She admits that she has a 2-yr old and she thinks airlines should pay moms for flying with their children.

I can't say I disagree, especially because I'm now yelling to not LICK anything in the airport.

Ah, a girl can dream, can't she?

My dream car

I have a new dream car.

It all started a few months ago. I had drug a pregnant friend and her son on some wild adventure. The three kids were in the backseat. Zoe was wearing those *BLEEP* sparkle shoes.

Side note on the sparkle shoes- Sure, they're cute! For the little princess! But they harbor sweaty stinky princess feet due to the all man made materials (code for CHEAP) and if you have ever tried to carry a squirmy toddler who dons said shoes, you know you will be cut to ribbons.

Zoe was in the backseat, kicking her brother with the should-be-registered-as-a-weapon sparkle shoes. The screaming starts. I take the shoes, more screaming. You can imagine, I'm sure.

That's when I realized... all those suggestions from Robert? All those times he asked me if I wanted a 'long Jeep' for my birthday? I thought the long Jeep was a Rubicon (you know, 4 doors?) but no, it's a limousine. Think Hummer limo... Looks like a long Jeep right?

I shall take you up on that offer young sir.

Think of the glorious ride. Me, driving my limousine, kids in the back, rotting their brains with video games and slurping down juice boxes. Then, the beauty of it. Things get wild, kids are screaming...

Push a button... privacy glass! I can only hope it's sound proof. This is truly my dream car.

Days 15-17

Day 15 of triple digit temperatures set a record.

Day 16 of triple digit temps and I was seriously considering living life as a hermit. Well, a hermit with high speed internet who maybe makes outings early in the morning or late at night. At 6pm of Day 16, I felt the warm air. And I knew what was happening. I could also guarantee that after 16 days of triple digits, that I wasn’t the only one. And we would be waiting for ‘the call.’

We went to the YMCA, we went to lunch, we went to friend’s houses. Anywhere that had functioning A/C and a air temp below 85F. Because Day 17 was no day for me to be sweating. I’m sweated out (if that’s possible.) I’m not Southern and I’m HOT (not in a good way, in a stinky, post-workout way.)

As if it were planned, just to make a better story, my window of time to wait for ‘the call’ was from 3-7p. This is also the hottest, and sunniest, time of the day. Have I mentioned how much I miss clouds? And rain?

We waited. We waited. We waited. We sat in front of the window unit our neighbors loaned us. Robert and Zoe happily watched TV in their underwear.

I have 2 kids. I can take a complete shower in 3 minutes. I gave the kids dinner on the couch with the TV on and went to take my 3 minute shower. I even set my phone right beside the shower, so I wouldn’t miss ‘the call.’

Hair soaped, hair rinsed, and Robert runs into the bathroom with a package yelling, “You got a present mommy!” I’m not a paranoid person. Except with my kids. It’s just that they are so incredibly mischievous when no one is looking. I jump out of the shower, grab a towel, and run dripping through the house after Robert and Zoe.

Then my two little underwear-clad children are on the front porch. And so is someone else. You guessed it, the A/C man. As I stand soaking wet in my front foyer, with the front door hanging open, my adorable children in their Phineas & Ferb and Nemo undies bounce happily around the A/C man.

There was no call. It was 6:40p. I should have known.

Day 17 was the day we replaced the part I will forever call 'The Flux Capacitor' and the day my A/C guy will probably not forget.

No Paci Update

I got slightly distracted from our 'No Pacifier' adventure after The Most Disgusting Day. Here's how it's going...

Nap #1 Need binky! Need binky! Then vomit, shower, etc. Pretty much makes nap time a complete fail.

Bedtime #1 NEEEEDDD binky mommy!!!!! Then sob, sob, cry, cry and to sleep. Wake up mommy at 4 am asking for juice, even though you somehow found rejected back-up paci. Find out later of the Great Grandma Sabotage of bedtime #1. More crying and sobbing after back-up binky was 'lost.' (That's my story, I'm sticking to it.)

Nap #2 MOOOOMMMMMYYYY NEEEDDDDDD BINKY!!!!!

Bedtime #2 Want binky mommy. Want binky.

Nap #3 Need binky mommy! Need binky! (I thought we had made progress from NEED to WANT, but apparently not.)

Bedtime #3 Mommy, binky GOOONNNNEEE! :( (That's right little girl, it's gone! Or hidden in the cabinet, don't tell.)

Days to remember

Some days you know you will remember. Big events, weddings and what not, are a gimme. But I find there are many other days, that burn a lasting impression in your brain. For me, I'm currently just getting over "The Most Disgusting Day Ever #2."

I will say, as awfully disgusting as yesterday was, I'm not sure if it was enough to upset the post-Vegas clean up day of 2011. Maybe you remember it too. I know I always will.

Back to yesterday. It started great. A friend gave me the great idea to trade the seldom used pacifier of Zoe's for a new baby doll. Great idea I thought! Let's go! Off to Toys R Us! What fun this will be!

And it happened. We are wandering happily down an aisle in the nearly empty toy store, and Zoe says, "Mommy, poo." Oh good land. I pick her up and RUN to the restroom while calling over my shoulder to Robert. But it was not fast enough (running was never a strength of mine.)

I remember the 1st time we stayed in a hotel with Robert. We were staying 2 nights, and I had taken him 3 sets of pj's. We went through all 3 sets the first night. And as I was changing him on the couch in our room, that little boy pulled the classic boy move. So if you've ever wondered how anyone could get pee on a couch in a hotel room, I can answer that.

Now, thanks to Zoe, I can answer another burning question. How in the world did THAT get on the bathroom wall?! We made it to the restroom, but after that was a total complete disaster. On her clothes, shoes, the floor, the toilet, the walls... I can't even describe it. I thought I was going to pass out. And of course, meanwhile Robert is standing outside the door yelling, "EWWW STINKY!!" I wiped nearly the entire stall down with toilet paper, then took a naked Zoe to the sink where I washed her down head to foot with foam soap. Of course there are only hand dryers, no paper towels, so the dripping wet Zoe stood under the dryer with instructions to Robert to keep the motion activated dryer blowing.

It's a proud day in a girl's life when she has to wash a child down in the Toy's R Us sink. At least I can pat myself on the back for having the full change of clothes, including shoes, in the car. I left that store a complete hot sweaty mess. Literally.

We made it home, and off to attempt nap-time sans-pacifier (we did trade for the new ballerina doll after all.) As Zoe finally settles down, she rolls over and... vomits. Okay, I am not a puker. I can count the times in my life that I have thrown up. I just don't do it. Neither does Robert. Zoe, on the other hand, can look at food wrong and throw up apparently. And she did. Right after lunch, which makes it all so much worse.

Now, I'm thinking the bath in the sink earlier wasn't enough anyway, so I put Zoe in the shower with Robert assigned to supervise (sure, this may be a lot to ask of a 4 yr old, but my child is exceptional. At least in my eyes :) And I proceed to clean up Zoe's room. There are so many things you need to know as a mom, but I wish I had never learned the best way to clean up vomit sheets.

Here is my outfit from yesterday. I wish I had worn the bandana to Toy's R Us. I could have used it.
On top of this, Zoe also dumped an entire bottle of sprinkles on the floor. In case you have never noticed, cleaning up sprinkles takes a special approach. The tiny balls roll on tile, and even after you're best efforts you will be cleaning them up for weeks. And stepping on them.

The kids also 'helped' me peel and cut carrots (hey- I knew it was coming by now, but I was so worn out I encouraged it.) My kitchen was covered in carrot shred. Honestly, at this point I prefer the carrot to the other messes of the day.

Then Zoe slips in the living room. You have no reason to slip in the living room unless the floor is wet. I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she was trying to empty the little potty herself, because there were puddles through the living room, the foyer, the hallway... and it was all trailed by little footprints.

Most days I could laugh it off as a big mess day. Yesterday, it was not happening. Later that evening, Jeff came home and mentioned that the resort he may stay in if he goes to Beijing for work looks really nice. He's lucky I didn't punch him. I love that guy.

Things I wish I had on video...

but know I shouldn't.


A tiny Zoe climbing up onto the full size toilet, squeezing out a few drops, then triumphantly throwing both arms in the air and squealing, "I doe pee-pee!!!!"


Robert throwing a massive fit because I actually made him pick up the toys he played with earlier, and as I point out the things he needs to pick up he screams and stomps away saying, "STOP TALKING MOMMY!" Then when he tries to throw his shoes in the middle of the living room instead of where they belong, he says, "Stop talking! I hate this!" Touche my little man. I hate this picking up too.

My favorite car trip photo

Happy Birthday a la Robert & Zoe

Family Zoo Day

More vacation pics

Jacob reading to Zoe. For the record, she does have on Dora underwear.

Since this is mostly what we've been doing, figured I should at least have some sort of photo of it!
The kids playing with glowsticks on the 4th. You'll just have to imagine! Everyone was so worn out that this was about as good as it got :)
I promised Robert a cake with sprinkles. So the kids decorated the cake with stars & stripes sprinkles. And we even got a photo with all of them smiling!
Zoe, fully dressed, and glued to her new favorite person.
Jenn and I about to go out for my bday dinner (she got sucked into my plans for the day.) We had to take a photo of "The Pear."
Ambra and I at the fountains after dinner. Obviously Jenn had too many drinks for this photo. Okay, just kidding, I must have had a wrong setting.

And the fam is here :)

A few pictures to prove it, but mainly some pictures from Robert AGAIN.


We managed to get all the kids to sit down for a movie. This lasted about 6 minutes. Thankfully, we documented it so forever after it looks like we have cute cuddly well-behaved kids.

I've been trying to take a good photo of Zoe for about 2 months. She refuses, completely and totally. Robert has gotten the best one yet...

I'm not sure why Robert was taking pictures of this but you know I HAVE to put it up here, for posterity of course.

Here is Robert with his new garbage truck from his cousins. He could not wait to get up, just so he could play with it.

Mexico

A few photos from the little Mexico trip!


This proves we were actually together somewhere.

This is Jeff, honestly doing nothing. And something called electric lemonade in front. I have no idea, but if you are going to serve it to me on the beach, I will take it :)
This is me eating dinner poolside, with a faux hawk from the ocean breezes...
This is just to test whether Jeff actually reads this blog. Because I'm pretty sure he will kill me for putting this photo up!

Introducing, the job-o-copter

I realize that I'm posting this on a blog and all... but I'm tired of typing. Between forums, and blogs and that insane Facebook thing. Plus texts and emails, I'm just totally over the typing.

Secretly, I would like to sell everything and go sell bananas on the beach for a year. Somewhere people would have to actually come IN PERSON. Of course, this isn't going to happen, but I think it would make for some crazy blog posts later :)

Let's finish it off with ANOTHER picture from Robert. This is the job-o-copter. Distinctly different from a helicopter, in ways only Robert can explain.

Counting, Hoke style

I'm not saying my kids are geniuses, but clearly they are. We just have a few teeny tiny problems...

For example, counting.

Here is how Zoe counts- 4, 3, 2, 1, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11. That's sort of close right?

And the other day we were pointing out numbers, Robert says, "That's Onedy-Five." Or fifteen, but whatever, I like the logic.

The day we ate lunch from the vending machine

Some days I just think are worth remembering.

We headed down to a more 'established' (code old) area of town to have the DVD player in the car replaced (under warranty.) I have mixed feelings about this as you know all the talk about TV rotting your brain and all. At this point, I'm pretty sure TV is rotting MY brain as my kids seem immune to it. I, on the other hand, am extremely jealous of Toot & Puddle. Sure, no one wants to be named Toot. But that pig lives the life of luxury. From what I can tell, they live scot-free in some adorable cottage just outside of a friendly cute town AND they take exotic vacations every week where they enter waffle contests and such. I'm no waffle expert but I could learn if that meant a free trip to Belgium. Or the Galapagos Islands. Not on the top of my travel list, but if that's the National Geographic trip of the week I have no problem going. Just sayin'.

Anyway, off we went with mommy's foggy brain. The shop is across the street from a McDonald's, so the obvious solution seems to be drop the car off then walk over to the playplace.

You know in the movies how they do that chalk line at a crime scene? And the body shape is always one arm up, one arm down, one leg bent? I had never realized that maybe that shape was based on fact. But right there beside the McDonald's entrance was a man, face down, in the chalk line pose. Complete with Wonder Bread PB&J sandwich in a baggie at his feet.

I'm no medical expert, but that can be good. There was another slightly homeless looking man talking to him, then mumbling for all to hear, "You just can't help some people."

My kids were totally oblivious. I, on the other hand, was not. He was still alive, so that's good.

We made it with our breakfast into the playplace area. It was 10 am. Robert climbs to the top and immediately yells, "Gross!" After the chalk-line passed out man out front, I could only imagine what could be at the top waiting for me. It was only an ice cream cone. An ice cream cone. It was 10am. I'm not sure if I was glad it was a half-eaten ice cream cone or not.

In case you haven't kept up with the Toy Story movies, let me pause here. In the third movie, one of my favorite parts is when the toys try to change Buzz Lightyear back from demo mode but instead switch Buzz to Spanish mode.

Several kids had come in to play, and you know what I hear Robert say?

"It's like Spanish mode in here!"

He said it at least 5 times. My husband thinks this is hilarious. Secretly I hope the rest of the people don't speak ANY English. Then I see the ambulance. That's right, to come fetch chalk-line man.

We head back to the shop, thinking surely the car is done. It's not. And it's not. And still not.. Now it's getting close to lunch. There is no way I'm heading back to chalk-line Spanish mode McD's. I just don't have it in me. And that's how the day turned into, "The day we ate lunch from the vending machine."

I'm glad I could give my kids this experience at such an early age. I'm thinking it will help keep them well-rounded.




And yes, Zoe has a Oreo in one hand and cheeto in her mouth. That's 2 different colors. Surely that counts for something.

Dedicated to my husband

Jeff is now threatening me if I don't post more. Who knew it would come to this?!

In his honor, one of his least favorite pictures of Mexico. More to come later when I have some coffee and go back to being a loving wife :)


PS. Your son woke up and said, "I came out to tell daddy to take me to Chuck E. Cheese." I may have suggested that only daddy can take him there. I hereby realize I deserve whatever is coming to me.

Before I go story-telling...

Robert painted Zoe's fingernails AND toenails. He says he is a ped-care man.

He may need a little tiny bit of practice before I can start charging for his services...

Wanna guess who the first was

to require sutures? Go ahead, and I'll tell you the story :)


A lovely Sunday morning. Zoe decided she should take a shower WITH me. I've already notified Jeff that the more this happens the less shaving happens. Out of the shower, Zoe figures all the mommy talk about drying off first is over-rated and take off. Splat.

I sit down with her and see the blood. Then I see the gaping wound on her chin. Now, in Jeff's defense, he had just woken up and had taken Nyquil the night before. Jeff squats down to look, then stands up and nearly passes out. Hmmm. Mental note for the next 16 years of child accidents.

This is not my first time at the rodeo, and although I am sure we need some kind of closure to happen, I am not going to Urgent Care in a towel. So I plunk Zoe down in the living room with a towel and the TV and go to get dressed, brush my teeth and dry my hair. This is 7 minutes well spent for me. I did put on the dirty clothes on the closet floor, because the t-shirt was black and I will be toting a bloody child around.

Thanks to the highly tattooed man with the go-tee for the quick check-in. $100, a tube of glue and some steri-strips and we are set. Excellent mother I am, I tried to get a good photo of it. But my subject was not exactly cooperative.

Someone has been helping me pack

Hmmm. Who could it be?

What my camera does while I'm not looking

I went to upload photos from my camera and discovered that I had a staggering 256 photos to upload. What could be hidden in there you ask?

Someone has been using my camera. And it's not me.
Is that GraveDigger?!
The clues are unfolding...
Ah yes, a little blue eyed boy with a bad case of the blepheritis.

Look for Chapter 2 of the Robert Chronicles later this week.

Happy Day

It was not the best mommy night last night. Lots of getting up, wet diapers, wet undies etc. Combined with the 5a wake-up, I was leaning a little to the grumpy side. Jeff claims he doesn't feel well and I'm pretty sure he thinks he has blepharitis (pronounced blufferitis, this is another story for later.)

Robert was singing LOUDLY bright and early this morning about butts, undies and jelly doughnuts. (The jelly doughnuts may be my fault. One day he blurted it out and I said, "That's an okay word to use!" At least it was better than stupid, the word of the month on every single cartoon on TV it seems.)

Then I believe Robert attempted to 'moon' daddy, all while screaming, "Daddy! Do you see my BUTT!!!???" Little boys, they are such a joy.

Jeff responded, "WHAT are you doing that for Robert?!"

Robert's response... "It's Happy Butt Day."

Here's a Happy Butt Day to all...

More Zoe bday

Then a smiley photo of Zoe enjoying her bday cake :)

Finally, a terrible video by me of half naked Zoe with her birthday cake.

Memorable Quotes from Robert

Bowling is good. Bullying is not good.

Oppy MEEEEE

I've been a might bit slack on the photos lately. Partly because Robert has been sneaking off and taking awful pictures of me and partly because I've been busy being an awesome wife and mother *sarcasm*

But here is the first in the "Oppy MEEE" Series. Zoe is pretty excited that FINALLY it's HER birthday, and we've learned how to sing Happy Birthday (sort of) and how to tell everyone it's Oppy Meeee (Happy Birthday for ME!!!)

It happened.

While I'm in the admitting mood, 'it' happened. The cheesy schmoopy moment that get forwarded in emails and is the constant inspiration for Hallmark cards.

It was a cold and dreary day in Houston. Okay, it was 50F (BRRR) and gray. Robert was strangely unwilling to go to school and quite teary about it. Later, I sat on the couch with Zoe, watching WordWorld for the 653rd time (Hey- it won an EMMY and it's from PBS, that's practically educational, right?)

Then it hit me. They WILL grow UP!! OH NO!!! MY BABIES are growing up! (Shed a tear for me now) It lasted about 23 seconds before Zoe got up and started coloring her belly with markers. But finally, almost 4 years in, I had my gushy mommy moment. So maybe after all, I will make it through this mommy job :)

Admissions...

First on my list of things to admit...

January 1st Zoe voluntarily (without any suggestions from an adult or even a big brother who just wants candy) pulled off her diaper and sat on the potty. Then got up again, sat down again, got up, sat down, got up, sat down AND, that's right, pee'd in the potty. Oh hallelujah!

Finally, we have progressed to her climbing onto the real toilet. It's hard to be sure anything is happening, since there is no magic color change but we're pretty exciting none the less.


2. Somehow Zoe has figured out how to open the TV cabinet and get to the DVD player. Perhaps you remember 'The Great TV Incident of 2008.' History does not bode well for this. She managed to crash the shelf and jam the DVD player. I managed to completely avoid the topic by redirection (NOOOO, we don't want to watch a movie. Let's watch that favorite show of yours instead!) until I could pull the unit out when no one (uh, Jeff) was watching, turn it upside down and shake out all the DVDs. Oops. Don't tell Jeff. As far as we know, it's all working fine. *fingers crossed*

A Day of Robert

Yesterday I had the distinct pleasure of taking young Robert for his first filling. That's right, we had a cavity. I say WE, because there are few things that can make me feel like a failure as quickly as a dentist pointing out cavities. It is MY job to brush teeth, is it not?! He's only had that tooth for 2 years! And it's already got a cavity?! ARRRRGGGHHH

I will say though, I wish I could go to Dr. Joe for all my dental work. You watch movies on the ceiling through the entire exam. And the big bonus? The SCENTED nitrous gas. You get to pick your scent! That's right, strawberry, orange, banana or plain. AND you get to take the scented mask home with you. Words cannot describe my jealousy...

After the 'happy gas', movie and cavity filled, Dr. Joe, of course, scooted on out. Robert says, "Where is Dr. Joe?"

"He had to visit other patients."

"I love Dr. Joe."

I think we've had enough happy gas.

Then we went to pay for our $38 of nitrous and Robert hugged and kissed every hygienist and receptionist in the place. He did that the last time we were there too, so I can't really blame the gas.


Later that day...

"Robert, what should we have for dinner?"

"Turducken. I think we should have turducken."

Let's pause for a minute for those not familiar with turducken. This is a series of de-boned birds (turkey, chicken and duck) layered with stuffing then SEWED together. There is no chance in *bleep* of me making turducken.

"Mommy, it's easy. You just salt and pepper and then tie the legs up."

Clearly, watching the Cooking Channel is making more of an impact than I could have imagined...


EVEN LATER that day...

We are doing some yard work/gardening. (And by we, I mean me, with 2 children throwing dirt and running naked through the sprinkler.) I dig a root up, and show Robert.

Robert says, "OH MY God. Oh MY God" Obviously, he's playing with emphasis.

Me, "Robert, don't just yell God's name for no reason. If you want to talk to Him, talk to Him but don't just keep calling His name."

Robert, "Hey God?! I have something to tell you..."

I couldn't hear the rest of the conversation, but I'm going to assume it had something to do with a root.

You are your father's son...

That's right. I hereby declare Robert a little mini-Jeff (except that he thankfully inherited my non-puking gene, something we can't say for Zoe.)

This morning, the first words out of Robert's mouth (after "Juice please!) was, "I want to watch the chefs cook the hot fiery tubes."

Now don't start imagining anything too exciting. If I could only post part of this video, y'all could really appreciate the beauty of it. The hot fiery tubes? Part of a 5 minute promotional video showing the manufacturing processes where Jeff works. Nothing like extruded metal products first thing in the morning.

Just to re-cap, rather than ask to watch cartoons or even Tom & Jerry, my 4-yr old wants to watch the manufacturing process of extruding metals. Oh boy, where's my coffee?

Resolve!

I'm not a big fan of New Year's Resolutions. So, I decided to wait to do my resolutions, and not call them resolutions. Here we go.

I will be okay being me. It's not perfect, and may be a little quirky, but that's okay.

I will however continue to improve me :)

I will work to be thankful... all the time.

I will not hold myself to unreasonable expectations.

I will not makes lots of crazy resolutions :)

Let's chalk it up to...

Wait, let's not chalk it at all. Let's pretend that I'm completely sane and not at all delusional about my children.

See, when we were in Florida, every morning while the old people (Jeff) slept I would take the kids out for breakfast. They did great. They sat. They ate. We watched the dogs walking on the beach. We devoured Mickey Mouse pancakes together. It was beautiful.

Jeff says he won't be home for dinner tonight. I think, "Great no cooking!" And then get the crazy idea to take my kids out. Not Chick Fil-a out, out to a restaurant that does not have a playground. I didn't get white tablecloth crazy, just regular food crazy.

As you can guess, it didn't go as planned.

There was climbing and head bonking. Jumping on the booths. Other basic child like actions that made me regret my decision. The root of the problem is that I have no desire to be a referee but both of my kids seem to think I would be great in this position.

What was I thinking?! I should have just fed them Totino's pizza and called it a night. Oh well, perhaps I will try again in 5 years.


And here's a photo just for fun.

Day 3

Day 3 post-getaway

The first 2 days were fine. I was refreshed. But then Day 3 came. I'm feeling weak. Perhaps the walls are truly closing in on me. The other inhabitants of the camp have glazed eyes and seem out of sorts. One person has escaped from the "sickness" and treads lightly and warily around the others, only being seen in the shadows as he darts to and from, keeping safe distance. The weather has taken a turn for the worse. The gray, overcast skies mirror life inside. Okay, it's Houston. We don't really have bad weather :)


But really, I've had my fill. Sure, I got to leave my family and have some fun for a weekend. And the first 2 days back... no problem. But I'm on day 3 of consecutive laundering. I'm not sure the washing machine has stopped (except for 1-3a last night, which was after Mike's laundry finished and before I started my sheets again for the 2nd time in 2 days.)

I'm putting this on the list of things I probably should have realized but still am somehow surprised by- If you leave, you may very well come back to a large disgusting disaster. In this case, it was a house full of sick people, piles and piles of day old pukey laundry, and a broken dryer (hence the extra laundry.) Please, make it stop.

Changes changes

As Jeff leaves for work in my car....

Robert: Why is daddy driving our car?

Me: Because today is daddy's last day of work at GE. And he needs extra room to take all of his stuff from his office home with him. Today he starts a brand new job. What do you think about that?

Robert: The workers will put up kid signs.

Me:Why would they put up signs?

Robert: So the kids can go to work with their daddy's.


I didn't have the heart to tell him that no kids will be touring the new place either. If Jeff had only stayed with the family tradition and become a teacher!

Goodbye GE. Here's a toast to you, and to the new year.