The drum set

If we are lucky we will soon get a video of 6'5" Mike on the mini drum set too :)

Are corn dogs junk food?

Walking back from the beach, Robert was waiting for his corn dog (aka favorite food) to cool.

Robert: Mommy, are corn dogs junk food?

He knows the answer because we talk about it nearly every day since he requests to eat corn dogs nearly every day.

Me: Yes, Robert, they are.

Robert: Why?

Me: Because they don't have very many vitamins in them. Unlike broccoli, or apples.

Robert: But they do! They have vitamins in them, that's what makes them so delicious.

Me: Reeaaaallllyyyy

Robert: Yes, teeny tiny little vitamins in them make them taste good. Teeny tiny itsy bitsy vitamins.


How can you argue that the vitamins in corn dogs are teeny tiny?

The beach adventures continues

Zoe, totally happy because....

she is totally naked, at a public beach.

And here I am, building sandcastles by myself, while my kids frolic and laugh that I am doing the work for them.

Zoe smashing sandcastles, while Robert has a suspicious handful of sand
And perhaps the best family photo we have ever taken, courtesy of the Speedo-wearing, barely-spoke-English, European man.

Ah... the beach

Holy moly! It's been a busy month. For those terribly interested in our travel plans, we are now in the lovely Ft. Myers Beach.

Here's a few pics from our morning



Zoe and her favorite activity- coloring, thank you Crayola for the 'wonder markers'



Waaaahhhh! A pelican!

Robert gives me the 'stink eye' probably because I refused to let him eat only 3 lbs of ham for the day.

A sneak peek into our car ride

Just to get us started out, here's a little peek into our car ride :) I think he's talking about aliens?

The trip meter totaled out at just under 2600 miles. I believe we were in the car for about 40 hours total!

And he likes it

In this clip, Robert makes the ever-so-startling discovery that he likes cookie dough (actually edible peanut butter play doh.) Watch for the true look of surprise on his face, as if I had just asked if he likes cauliflower.

Robert serenades

Since we're on the video kick, here's Robert serenading little Kayleigh after paying for their ride :)

Breakfast brainstorming with Robert

Just ignore the first jibberish. Let's pretend it doesn't sound like he's cussing his mother out...




The first reason we had to move was that the bricks that make our house are "too ouchy." Apparently, the all brick house doesn't hold the same appeal to a 3 yr old.

Zoe and mascara... again

What's on your face Zoe?

Oh yes, very very nice...

Two sides to every story

And usually the opposing stories come from different people.

Story #1 explaining the appearance of 12 bolts in the pocket




Story #2

I'm sick of thinking about sleep

File this under, "Things Erica didn't expect with children."

I'm sick of thinking about sleep. I'm tired of being tired, thinking about being tired, or wondering if tomorrow I will still be tired.

I'm done reading books about sleep and wondering if the children in these books are from another planet. I don't want to think about how if I'm not in bed by 9p, my chances of getting 8 hrs of sleep are zilch.

I don't want to think about whether my child should still be napping, or whether the other child should be woken up. I don't care about the best combination of foods to promote sleep. Is overtired possible?! I DON'T CARE.

Are the kids too hot? Too cold? Too tired? Not tired enough? Need a different bedtime routine? How much white noise is enough? Should their pajamas be all cotton? How much pee can a size 4 diaper really hold? Can a child have restless leg syndrome (why in the world will they not just hold still and close their eyes?!)

And most importantly... if I feed them dinner exactly 1.5 hrs before bed, then they take a 23 minute warm bath, read 1.7 books, then we all walk backwards in circles and lay down on our left sides and throw salt over our shoulders... can we just all sleep 8 hours?

I paid my child to sleep.

That's right. I did it. Of course, if you are one of those people who have the miraculous always easy sleeping children, you will never understand.

We've gone through the month of maladies here. One kid gets croup, then the other. Then the weeks of coughing. Then grandma gets Bronchitis. Then the kids get the super snots. Meanwhile Jeff is nightly chugging Nyquil like it is a glass of warm milk.

All of this makes me tired. Not in the "Boy wouldn't a nap be nice?" kind of way, but more in the "I will be sleeping in the car tomorrow if you people do not leave me alone" kind of way.

So after several nights of Zoe doing the super tantrum at 1am and Robert thinking that sleeping in his bed is akin to sleeping on nails... I did it.

He was pining for the Play-doh Fun Factory like it was the Holy Grail. Sure, you can have that fun factory. But you need money. And what's a good way to earn money? Sleep all night in your bed. That's right, DADDY will pay you $1 to sleep in your bed.

If I could only rope Zoe into this plan...

Why Zoe is not allowed to have juice boxes

Step one- remove straw.


Chug.


Smooooooth....


Chug again.


Yum. Juice down the shirt...

More fun with the pink hat...

Who knew Christopher in a pink cowboy hat would be so hilarious? Complete with a mimic grandma knee slap...

When 3 yr olds meet 90 yr olds

The birthday reunion is over, but one of my favorite things came one morning when Great Grandpa Frank was sitting on the couch talking about being 90 years old, while young Robert listened...

Frank: "I don't know why the doctors can't find anything wrong with my hearing. It sounds like I'm in a cave."

Robert: "You're in a cave! Do you need a flashlight Great Grandpa?"

Ahh, simple solutions from a three year old.

Dancing with Robert

This is probably one of those moments that when he's 16 he's going to hate me for even having this but....

Here's is Robert grooving to some tunes at the stereo/window tint shop :)

Name that song

TEN years

Here we are. Made it 10 years. That's right, today is our 10 yr anniversary.

First I should probably apologize. Zoe is getting over a cold, so we were up at 11, 1, 3, 4:30 & 5:30. The 3am is my fault. I fell asleep on the crib sized mattress on the floor beside the toddler bed, and woke up at 3 and went back to my bed. But I'm still counting it. And now the kids are still asleep, and I'm awake.

So when Jeff came in to say goodbye & happy anniversary, I was a little more concerned with "Why are you waking me up then leaving?!" Oops. Sorry my love, I meant to say, "I love you. Happy Anniversary."

Maybe I'll get it right after another 10. :)

Potty training part II

I think we've made progress. The other day, Zoe got out of the pool, went to the 'pee zone' and peed! I'm counting that as something.

And no, not the community pool, our backyard pool. I had to establish a pee zone for Robert, so he wouldn't kill all the plants or pee in front of people. So you are allowed to pee behind the rock waterfall down the french drain :)

On the other hand, here's what Robert has to say about it-

"Mommy! Zoe pee-peed in the toy room!"

"Mommy! Zoe pee-peed on my scooter!"

"Ahhhh! Zoe pee-peed on ME!!!" This was a false alarm. She spilled some water and he got splashed. I guess he's a little gun-shy.

We did purchase some Minnie Mouse undies just to be prepared. I think we should have this thing licked before she turns 3. :)

To the most likely gay man in aisle 12...

this is dedicated to you :)

Some days just are going to fall into a perfect mess. I'm okay with that. What I don't like, however, is the random commentary from strangers.

I'm on the fast track through the grocery. Robert is sobbing and refusing to sit. Zoe hits him, he hits her... back and forth goes the beautiful play of siblings.

We nearly make it through the store. Robert has nearly stopped crying (He was mad that I insisted on saying SORRY when you KICK your sister. Inhumane of me, I know.)

And then, Zoe knocks a jar of spaghetti sauce out of the cart. Oh joy. Of course it shatters and splatters. I walk to the end of the aisle to ask the employee to call for clean up.

Enter the gay man on the phone. He starts shouting at people, waving his arms, to keep them from running their carts through the splatter mess. Now I have to wonder, how could you miss a giant pile of spaghetti sauce on the floor and why would you want to walk through it? But nice of him to warn the general public I suppose.

I walk back toward the mess with the employee who tells me she will stand there until clean up man comes.

Phone guy says, "Ma'am (with tone of distaste) are you planning on telling someone about this?"

Me, "I just did." (And the lady is standing there.)

Phone guy, " Because I've been standing here (all of 85 seconds sorry I was so slow), keeping people's carts out of this FOR YOU. So if you're not going to wait here until someone...

Me, "Sir, I JUST TOLD THEM. SHE IS RIGHT THERE."

Phone guy, "Oh, I've been standing there for you..."

Wow, um... Good thing my wits are completely numb from the 45 minutes of screaming I've just endured. Now, I'm not sure. Perhaps he would have preferred I clean up the broken glass with my hands? Or I should have stood there and guarded it, with my two small sobbing children? Or even better, MAYBE I should have left my cart there, with the 2 small children guarding the mess. The two children that regularly hurdle out of the cart. Now, that's a GOOD idea!

THEN, he gets back on the phone and says, "I tell you, being back in the general public is tough."

Perhaps wherever he was, they couldn't eavesdrop? Perhaps he was staying with his royal family in Europe where he did not go where the commoners were, like grocery stores.

Either way, I'm thinking that if dealing with me and a jar of spaghetti sauce is tough, the guy has a rough ride ahead of him. I realize I'm spicy, spunky and several other adjectives that I won't use here. But thank you for saying that sir, really made my day.

I would like to give some brownie points to the lady who stopped me on the way out and said, "You handled that better than I would have."

Looking for a miracle

A potty training miracle that is.

We have a little clothing problem at our house. Little as in with the little people. They are nudists, all of them.

Now with Robert, I'm not so worried. He is a wise old three year old, who knows that you are only allowed to pee in the potty. Or the shower when mommy isn't watching. Or on the trees in the backyard (we're slightly confused by the subtle difference between the backyard and front yard to the horror of daddy and half of the neighborhood.) We did have a little incident of trying to pee THROUGH the screen windows on the back porch. Again, I think it was just a misunderstanding. Technically, the pee was going outside. He just happened to be standing inside. Clearly a definition of terms problem.

But Zoe, oh Zoe. Constantly stripping off clothing. She's a master, I tell you. This is when the random advice of others is useless. You're reading this right now thinking, "Keep pants on the girl!" Obviously you have not seen my stripper baby at work. Pants! Ha! The girl can get a diaper off from UNDER a onesie. When was the last time you saw that? The only thing that kept her semi-clothed tonight was a cloth diaper (has snaps, she can get it off but it slows her down a little :) with Roberts pajama pants on top.

What's this leave me? Safety pins? Duct tape?

This gets me to my miracle. Potty trained at 16 months? Surely it's possible. If people can 'potty train' a 3 month old (If you haven't heard of the whole EC movement I'm not even going there right now- I'm sure it's great, I just don't have the energy,) then of course a walking 16 month old can handle it? Right? Please?


A friend told me once about her husband (you know who you are!) "He just doesn't have enough OJT- On the Job Training with the kids." This may have been in reference to feeding babies whole grapes or something, but I have photographic proof of this at my house.

Jeff took this photo. Thought it was cute that his little girl was playing with a fire truck. Look closely. Jeff, I'm sorry love, she's not playing. And have fun cleaning that up, and getting a diaper on that girl.

Follow up to the rain dance...

is the run of fear. With a background of Jeff giggling.

Zoe's rain dance

Do you move her?

I have a strict rule of "Let sleeping babies lie." But sometimes you have to wonder?

The funny floaty suit

Several years ago, a neighbor cleaned out their toddler stuff and left me with a bag of miscellaneous toys. In that bag, a bizarre swim suit hid. Somehow this suit managed to move with us again and again, until, like a treasure, it was discovered by Robert.



Reminds me a little of a 1920's circus performer.

Robert requested to wear the 'funny floaty suit' EVERY DAY. It was painful to see. Plus it looks like it rides up :)



So we moved up in the world to funny floaty suit world, to muscle man suit


And super hero status was set back in order :)

Sage advice

Not really. Who are we kidding, it's me. But seriously, I'm collecting advice that you should have been given instead of the random worthless advice such as, "Your life will never be the same." In fact, I'm still not sure what to make of that gem.

I've blocked most of the other random non-parent parent advice I've been given. But I think some things like this would have been more helpful.

1. Chemistry is important. You need to know how things react together and what solutions are poisonous. Like highlighters and markers. Say a one-yr old eats the tips off of 5 markers. Should you worry?

Or, say you're cruising on the beltway, er... toll road in some random state, at rush hour with 2 small kids because your husband found some crazy car in a warehouse somewhere that he just has to have, and a 3 yr old says they have to potty. You then have a crucial few minutes to find a nasty bathroom in a gas station Jack-in-the-Box next to a racetrack to take said children. Then you will probably be mom-pressured into buying chocolate milkshakes hoping to make it the last 23 minutes in peace. Then the 1 yr old will throw the milkshake to the side after only drinking about 2 tablespoons, because we know it's probably not milk and whatever they do to that stuff makes it impossibly thick. The milkshake will land upside down in the backseat with 11 minutes of screaming left to home.

The chemistry question is... How much of that milkshake will melt into the seat in 11 minutes? And will turning the ambient temp of the car down to 60 slow the inevitable melt down? And since you won't be stopping to rescue the milkshake, will your car cleaning husband catch you sopping up the milkshake from the carpet and seat? Okay, that last one is more of a risk analysis than chemistry.

Pics from a Golf Outing

So, Mike Underwood and Jeffrey went and played Tour 18, which is a golf course in Houston that has replicas of famous PGA Tournament Holes. Some pics below. It was a balmy 97 on July 4th when we took the tee. Bloody Marys, stogies and Jeff's new Cleveland irons helped kick the morning in properly. Highlights of the round include a 39 by Jeff with a birdie on the 9th hole (which is the famous 17th island green at TPC Sawgrass) and then Mike beating Jeff on the back nine by one stroke. First time that has happened in the past 20 years of rounds. A few pics from the Amen Corner holes from Augusta National, the Hogan Bridge and some tee shots around the Blue Monster hole from Doral.

What a 3 yr old boy would buy if he could...

Robert: Mommy would you like a garden drill from the garden drill store? (Note: Drill is now pronouced Deerrreeeelll, with a proper Southern accent.)

Me: Uh, sure Robert. But I'm not sure we need one.

Robert. Oh yes, it can pull weeds. It would be very helpful!


Ah, so good to see the marketing machine working. At least I can be thankful he doesn't know how to pay by credit card yet. Or we would be proud owners of the 'Awesome Auger.'

Kid update

Some recent happenings in our house-

Zoe can now totally remove her diaper. This makes it much easier to poo on the carpet, which apparently is VERY fun and impressive.

She also is loving playing with her bellybutton as she falls asleep. Too bad it doesn't keep her company all night :)


And Robert, my little man. We finally figured out Coocooloco means El Toro Loco. That's a monster truck, you know. I've also learned that the first Bigfoot monster truck was made in 1974 and used as advertisement for a 4x4 shop. My life is so much fuller. :)

If you're planning on visiting, you will be glad to know that Robert is getting much better at actually putting clothes back on after using the potty. More on this another day. You can imagine, I'm sure.

Robert has also decided that Sonic should be eaten EVERY DAY and corn dogs and chocolate milkshakes could solve most of the worlds problems.

Ah the weather...

Let's talk weather.

Since people often ask me (as a non-native) what I think of Houston, here is Part I: The Weather.

Yes, it's hot in the summer. And really, it's not that it's that much hotter. It's not. And sure, it's humid. But the really odd thing about Houston weather, is not the heat. Or the humidity. It's the gray days.

One spring, back when I was a young pup still in college, I remember walking through 'The Quad' (I'm guessing it had 4 buildings around a courtyard? I really have no idea.) It was gray. Grass brown. Trees dormant. Not really raining. Just gray. And it was day 14 of no sun. Hello depressing. Always seemed like forever for the gray to leave. Even winter was somehow gray. The snow always seemed to melt enough to leave a dirty slushy mess of cold ice.

But in Houston, the gray is relief. Those first days of rain in the winter, when the sun finally relents and the clouds gray over are refreshing. And now, it's storm season. This isn't really good, but when you walk out after days of 97F and can breathe the cool misty storm air, you can't help but like the rain. You can almost hear the plants sigh in relief.

It's feast or famine here in the summer though. You're either roasting, or standing in complete wonderment watching day 3 of rain. Maybe that's a Texas thing. They like to do things big.

Jeffrey Gets his Texas Lexus

Watch Out! Jeff is now hacking into the monkey's site and adding his own perspective...well, at least putting some pics of my new car. 2001 Lexus LS 430. It's pretty stylish and I have been waiting a long time for it. The last picture is of the control panel in the back seat. For those fortunate enough to be picked up in this Japanese limo, you will be treated to to a heated, massage with power reclining seats and a cooler for that frosty adult beverage! I am not kidding...it has a 6 pack cooler in the back seat. Of course I purchased the car with Robert & Zoe's apple juice in mind...did I mention yet that they are not allowed in this car for at least the first 60 days?

Houston Children's Museum

So many things happen in a young *ahem* mother's life to make her copmletely question her sanity.

Robert has been asking for MONTHS to go to the nyouseum (that's Children's Museum for those not fluent in Robert speak.) This is a museum designed for kids. SURELY, I can handle two kids in 90,000 sf of kid proof museum. Right?

Before I go further, let's talk money. If you go to the museum 3 times in a year, it's worth it to buy a membership. This is the second time this year, so I'm thinking this is a better deal. Plus, you can sign up online. That's a bonus for when you're arriving at the museum with 2 rambunctious kids. Now Jeff, big spoil sport he is, says I should go, buy a normal day pass then at the end buy the membership if I still want it since they will refund your day pass money if you purchase the same day.

My response? He must be completely insane. Has he not seen what it is to take two children out in public?

His response? Just plan to save a little time at the end, before the kids are completely wound up, to go back to admissions counter.

I, of course, completely dismiss his 'logic' as a pile of poo. He clearly does not have enough experience in this category. Maybe some day I will tell everyone about the Chick Fil A incident of 2010.

And off we go. Both kids are dressed (go mom!), I'm dressed, and we're in the car with our shiny new membership and directions. I would say we are fed, but I'm pretty sure Robert only ate one bite of breakfast before he decided green peppers were clearly food for heathen.

A bit more traffic than I would have cared for, but thanks to the miracles of modern technology and Elmo, the ride was not all that bad.

And we arrive! Woohoo! Yippee! Finally!

Robert is in complete amazement. He can barely be contained he is so excited. But mommy, in all her wisdom, kept on course. Upstairs, they have a 'Tot Spot.' A place for wild, I mean curious and active, children like mine can be contained while they explore. We navigate through the crowds and excitement, up the elevator, take off our shoes and...

DENIED! That's right. The tot spot is exceptionally busy. So only children 35 months and under are allowed to enter. Robert barely passes as 3, apparently he's a huge 3 yr old. Now I'm starting to get irked.

AND there's a camera crew there. I duck my head. They're interviewing people about crib recalls. No, no not me. Neither of my kids use a crib. They're on the floor. Plus I'm still a little pissy about being denied entrance to the place I just drove 45 minutes to play in. But no, the man says, people want to know about that, please just let us ask a couple of questions.

Well, the problem with me is that I will talk to anyone. So of course I start blabbing about kids and sleeping and all my theories on parenting. And some guy with a camera and I'm sure unflattering bright light, videos me. And by theories I mean, do whatever is easiest (the lazy part of my theory,) and what gets me the most sleep.

Question guy says, "You should write a book." Hahahaha.

Meanwhile, Robert is sobbing because he can't go look at the telescope. Gee I hope they got that on camera too.

We make our way downstairs, and filter outside to the waterworks area. This is fun, except Robert is still completely excited and running in circles. And then, while playing with the water, pees his pants. Now, part of me says, who cares? He's half wet anyway. But the other part of me says, if you can't go to the potty, you have to leave.

More crying.

We eat lunch in the car, do a complete outfit change for Robert (go mommy for having a complete change down to the shoes) go back in for 15 minutes, just to try and salvage the disaster. Then leave.

As I'm driving home, and Robert is singing the classics to me (small and giant, big and giant, small and giant, etc. Your guess is as good as mine,) I can't help but think about the day.

Then I remember... the interview. For the love of... why did I do that? You know how you watch people on TV and think, WHY would you go on TV looking like that? Oh yes. In the background the beautiful blond with impeccable makeup and clothes was watching me and my sobbing children. She is who they will see first. Then me, sweaty, clinging kids and a little pissy. Great.

Next time I'm going to IKEA. Oh wait, I bought a year membership! We get to go back! TWO MORE TIMES! All because I ridiculed my husband and his day pass idea. So on top of it all, Jeff, you were right.

Just a quick pic :)

Old MacDonald Robert Style

Old MacDonald had a farm, ee ii ee ii oooooo

On that farm he had a.... backhoe loader! ee ii ee ii oooo
With a push dirt and push dirt

On that farm he had a SCRAPER ee iiiii eeeee ii ooooooooo

On that farm he had a GIANT excavator ee ii ee ii ooo (I guess he gave up on the rest of the song after that!)

Car shopping, step one

Me: I was thinking we should go look at the car Daddy wants to buy today.

Robert: Oooh, maybe a monster truck car! Daddy LOVES monster trucks. Maybe he will let me ride in the monster truck with him.


Let me just run that past Daddy, Robert. I'm sure he will agree that he would rather be driving a monster truck to work.

Unsolved Mysteries

#1 What is the best way to remove large quantities of waterproof mascara off of skin, clothes and cabinets?

I'm voting for baby oil, but I have to admit that the pj's are still black. This is still unsolved.

#2 If you leave piles of dirty laundry around, will the laundry fairy really come?

I was suspicious. The pile of whites left on my bedroom floor mysteriously disappeared. Normally, I would blame the kids and expect to find clothing shoved into inappropriate places.

But you know I have an awesome husband. By awesome I mean he just nods and smiles at most of my crazy schemes. When I mention the the missing laundry, he says, "It smelled clean?"

Really? Who saw that coming? Jeff put away dirty clothes?! (No, I am not going to say he folded anything, because when I opened his drawer it was quit obvious what was 'dirty.') I guess he gets points for trying?

Case solved.

It's a frog! Caught in the bug catcher!


And the very exciting frog release!




The cousins are gone. What will we do?! Play with daddy's new fancy gutter! (Don't tell)




Why doesn't he have to wear undies? This diaper is killing me.