Sage advice

Not really. Who are we kidding, it's me. But seriously, I'm collecting advice that you should have been given instead of the random worthless advice such as, "Your life will never be the same." In fact, I'm still not sure what to make of that gem.

I've blocked most of the other random non-parent parent advice I've been given. But I think some things like this would have been more helpful.

1. Chemistry is important. You need to know how things react together and what solutions are poisonous. Like highlighters and markers. Say a one-yr old eats the tips off of 5 markers. Should you worry?

Or, say you're cruising on the beltway, er... toll road in some random state, at rush hour with 2 small kids because your husband found some crazy car in a warehouse somewhere that he just has to have, and a 3 yr old says they have to potty. You then have a crucial few minutes to find a nasty bathroom in a gas station Jack-in-the-Box next to a racetrack to take said children. Then you will probably be mom-pressured into buying chocolate milkshakes hoping to make it the last 23 minutes in peace. Then the 1 yr old will throw the milkshake to the side after only drinking about 2 tablespoons, because we know it's probably not milk and whatever they do to that stuff makes it impossibly thick. The milkshake will land upside down in the backseat with 11 minutes of screaming left to home.

The chemistry question is... How much of that milkshake will melt into the seat in 11 minutes? And will turning the ambient temp of the car down to 60 slow the inevitable melt down? And since you won't be stopping to rescue the milkshake, will your car cleaning husband catch you sopping up the milkshake from the carpet and seat? Okay, that last one is more of a risk analysis than chemistry.