Colorado trip, continued...

I realized as I was thinking of our upcoming road trip, that I hadn't finished the last road trip (perhaps I blocked it from my memory.) For the sake of complete reporting, I will continue on-

Day 4-
Zoe does beauty kit with black eyeliner. What a sense of style that one has.

Ah, look. A stop at Camp Gunnison. The kids aren't fighting, and they're both almost looking at the camera!

 

Touring through the Black Canyon of Gunnison. I think the Acura fits right in with the Jeep brigade don't you? 

Robert takes my picture. Proof that I am actually on this vacation.

Robert takes a picture of our new Jeep friends

Hooray! We made it to the gas station before running out of gas! Of course we'll be taking pictures on that old crusty dinosaur with a bandana and American flag lights on it!

Pitstop #12 of the day. Jeff looks thrilled doesn't he?

Beautiful views? Eh, mom this dirt looks pretty interesting...

Colorado Trip Day 3

12:01am.  Zoe hits me and screams, "No, mommy! No nail polish!" This is when I realized that Zoe not only talks ALL DAY LONG, she also talks ALL NIGHT LONG. And I get to sleep with her for the rest of the trip :)

2:00am. Zoe's third bloody nose.

7:45am. We head down to the bar (a real, beer on tap, full selection of whiskey, pool tables and all bar) for our free breakfast.

8:00am.  Zoe discovers the hardboiled eggs and insists she have one. I peel the egg while Zoe excitedly exclaims, "I hope it's a dinosaur egg!" She was disappointed.

8:30am.  Swim the in the mineral water and dip in the hot tub while Jeff packs and repacks the car. AGAIN.

9:15am.  Zoe works on her 'beauty kit' before we hit the road again.

9:17am. Robert attempts to eat as many Fruit Loops from a styrofoam cup as he can before we leave. Then spills them on the floor while bouncing from bed to bed. Then crushes a few, just to make sure he left his mark.

9:30am. Jeff leaves an extra tip for housekeeping after seeing the hotel room post-Hoke children.

11:02am  On the wrong road. AGAIN.

11:20am.  As we drive through amazing scenery, "Would you like to live here Robert?"
Robert answers, "No"
"Where would you want to live?"
"Nowhere but Texas."
It appears that he's been converted.
  
11:30am. Found the @#$% atlas.

1:00pm. Passed a young blonde girl at the gas station on her cell phone. Her tire was nearly driving on the rim. When Jeff mentioned it, she was truly surprised. I momentarily felt sorry for blondes everywhere.

3:30pm.  Checked into the next hotel room. Robert squeals in delight, "Oh man! This is a NICE hotel room! Double lamps!"

Colorado Road Trip, Day 2

7am. First roadside pee break for Zoe. This was 15 minutes after leaving breakfast, and 5 minutes before the next rest area. But at least we made it 10 hours in the car before having to pee on the side of a highway. That's something right?

8am. Robert starts insisting that we drive ALL THE WAY to Colorado before stopping again.

2pm. Set up camp at Abiquiu Lake, New Mexico. Views from campsite are amazing, but stakes for tent are not so amazing. Jeff and Robert position large rocks over stakes, as well as inside tent corners.

2:30pm. Take exceptionally road-trip cranky kids for a swim in the exceptionally cold lake.



3pm. Hmmm... Does that look like rain?

3:02pm. Are those clouds black?! Do you see the dust rolling like a tornado?!

3:11pm. Tent blows over into a tree, upside down, despite the 150 lbs of gear and rocks inside.

3:31pm. Robert runs excitedly around our trashed tent, singing the Darth Vadar theme song... which for once is strangely appropriate.

3:45pm. Begin bribing kids with chocolate and cookies to get them back in the car instead of eating dirt at the campground.

4pm. Pack up the car, and begin heading north toward Colorado. Again. Also fulfilling Robert's one wish of the day- to get to Colorado.

4:59pm. On the phone with a hotel for the night, now that we've lugged camping gear across 3 states.

5pm. Zoe's first nosebleed. She is now wearing only a Princess Leia tee-shirt and underwear, and is covered in campground dirt, cookie crumbs, chocolate and blood.

5:11pm. Zoe's second nosebleed. She then cries, "I want to go home!"

5:15pm.  Enter Colorado. Kids start cheering. I attempt to get the cheers on video. Here's what I get instead

6pm.  I sneak a dirty, covered in chocolate and blood Zoe in through the side door of the hotel and straight into a bath. Although I'm not sure the girl at the front with dreads and a the Kermit the Frog tee would have minded.

6:15pm. Zoe starts singing, "I feel better! So much better!" while Robert bounces back and forth between the two beds.

6:20pm.  Robert says (of the mediocre, aging hotel,) "This department is REALLY nice."

Colorado Trip, Day 1

An account of what it's like to get ready with Robert and Zoe.

3:00p Start packing the kids clothes
3:15p Zoe starts helping by excitedly changing outfits 4 times.
3:30p Zoe settles on 3 long sleeve shirts, a skirt, jeans, long pants and a backpack
4:00p Zoe falls asleep sitting up

5:00p Robert starts asking, "Is it time to go yet?"
5:15p Robert asks, "Is it time to go yet?"
5:23p Robert asks, "Is it time to go yet?"
5:47p Robert asks, "Is it time to go yet?" (I'll save you the suspense, this goes on for the next 3 hours.)
8:00p Kids are in car
8:30p We finally pull out of driveway
8:45p We realize there is no CD's in the car. And no way to play the iPod, or Pandora. Then we find Mike's Lady Gaga CD. Clearly not enough to get us through 60 hours.
8:47 I realize we have no maps, only GPS and iPhones. Jeff thinks this is sufficient. I believe his exact words were, "*Bleep*ing NASA doesn't have this much technology. We'll be fine."
9:20p Robert is asleep
10:18p I almost doze off
10:23p  Zoe does not dose. She says- I have to pee. I started peeing. Tell daddy to pull over.
10:24p Jeff greatly exceeds the speed limit in the search for the potty.
10:28p Attack of the grasshoppers at the Chevron Station. Zoe refuses to leave gas station due to swarms of bugs flying.
12:32a Half asleep, I cannot ignore the constant beeping of the GPS. I wake up to find us in the middle of Dallas, on the wrong road heading wrong direction.
5:54a We are sitting in the parking lot of Cracker Barrel waiting for it to open.

Colorado Trip 2012 Stats

Summary of the Colorado trip 2012

2 adults, 2 children

3210 miles
67 hours, 20 minutes of actual car time
18.2 mpg

7 nosebleeds, causing 3 extra loads of laundry
4 roadside potty breaks for Zoe (2 for Jeff)
Number of times we were within 10 miles of running out of gas? At least 3.
4 bottles of 5 Hour Energy
2 Redbull
1.5 gallons of fountain coke
4 hotel stays with 4 DIY waffles made (only 2 of which were totally consumed)
0 times camping, despite carting around a full tent and camping gear
1 Redbox video rented at a random gas station
2 days. The number of days leftover cheese pizza can sit in the back of the car and have kids still eat it.

Hours before planning for next trip began? -2, as in 2 hours before we have even arrived in Houston, when Erica hears Jeff on the phone doing pre-planning.

Fifty Shades of Erica

There's a book series circling the nation now, that got me to thinking I should write a book, for a couple of reasons.
1. Because then my college degree might be used for something and 2. Perhaps I wouldn't feel so guilty about sending my husband to work every day to get his balls busted. (That's a joke. His balls are fine.)

Here's my next book idea, Fifty Shades of Erica, the True Disaster.

I'll have chapters like this-

Take it off the bed

Those spicy days when you need a mattress in your living room...

for little girls to watch Pocoyo, of course.

Blondes really do have more fun.

Especially when you powder your already blond hair with flour and spray flour over a 50 square mile radius. I'm sure my neighbors noticed the dust. I should probably apologize.

There's glitter in my bed.

And 3 kungzhu pets, a gaggle of sticky lizards, a Lightning McQueen lunch box and a littering of Play-doh.

Caring for the unmentionables.

When you realize your hippie-chick, nudist of a 3 yr old has been using the hand towel to 'wipe' INSTEAD of toilet paper. I think we've addressed it, but just in case, if you come to visit and the hand towel in the hall bath is on the floor, think twice before grabbing it.


And one of my favorites-

The Home of the Big Cock

For that special Mother's Day when I ended up at Sportin' Woody's, Home of the Big Cock where you can come in for a stiff one (their honest and true tagline) with my husband's friend, a biker and an intoxicated construction worker. 

Robert's Graduation

Future Robert, I hesitated in posting this video. Your father requested that I do.

For those not wanting to watch all three torturous minutes, fast forward to the end. You may even hear the other parents giggling.

And Robert, you picked that shirt. I had you dressed in a nice polo shirt, but you claimed to like this shirt better.